The Year that Broke Me

Hey friends!

Happy Memorial Day!

I hope that this Monday is treating you well, and you have had a blessed weekend. The last five days I have been working on different tasks to help benefit you as we continue on this journey to spread the message of God's Grace.

- To begin with, I have created an Instagram page so I can connect with each of you. If you are interested in connecting on an additional platform, please follow me @journeytogodsgrace.

- I have also formed a posting schedule for the next month, and I hope to have a new post up every Monday. Please subscribe so you don't mess out on the upcoming content that I am incredibly excited to release.

Now that I have gotten the boring information out of the way, I want to share with you the journey I have been on that has led me to stepping out of my own pain and heartbreak into the love and grace of God. Often times when I speak of this journey, I break down the last three years into chapters, and I plan to do the same thing starting today. This post will be focused on the year of 2017, and this is the year I define as "the year that broke me".

2017 was the worse year of my life, and the pain that I endured shattered my heart completely. On March 30th, 2017 at 6:30 in the morning, I was awaken by the heart shattering sobs of my mother screaming that a child in our life had passed away unexpectedly. This little girl was 3 years old, and she lived with my family for almost two years of her life.

Her life on this planet was not an easy one. When she was brought into this world, she had to be resuscitated twice and her mother almost bled out on the operating table. Because of this, she had many, many medical issues, but please believe me when I say, this did not faze her. This little girl was the definition of a fighter, and she faced every single day with so much sass, strength, and happiness. Everyone who met her, fell in love with her.

Her momma was a single mother, and with the challenges her daughter faced, she was unable to work. With no job and no income, they were kicked out of their home in July when the child was only 9 months old. Our family stepped in immediately and welcomed them with open arms. Most people often speak of the grace my parents had for taking in two more people, but really we were the lucky ones because of the time we got to spend with the them. My mother and I became two of the primary babysitters, and the time we were able to spend with the child will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart.

When I lost her, I truly felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. I couldn't understand why God had to call her home when she was loved so much by us. The pain and grief of her passing was something that I tried to run away from, but I couldn't escape it. I was in my second semester of college, and I was taking 19 credit hours. I was president- elect of many important organizations on campus, and I didn't think I could take time off to process losing her.

Once the semester ended, I fell into a dark phase of my life. I didn't want to get out of bed and fulfill the responsibilities that I had. I was so angry at everyone, but more importantly I was angry at God for placing so much hurt in my life. I turned myself away from Him, and my heart was so cold. Looking back now, even when my heart wasn't open to Him, His love and grace was still found in the 'village' He put me in. Even when I felt alone, God had already blessed me with so many amazing people that always stood by my side.

Even with the amazing people in my life, I still found myself in an incredibly toxic friendship. Misery likes company so at the time I did not realize the true character of this person. On my good days, she would always try to bring me down, and on my bad days... she always found a way to make them worse. What started out as a friendship quickly turned into a toxic environment, and I didn't know how to escape from her grasp. You see, I truly believed that this young woman was a God loving individual, and I thought I needed her to find my relationship with Him again.

After the month of May, two months after losing the child, I started the long process of rebuilding my life. I knew that the broken pieces of my life would not define me, and I knew that the pain I endured was something I didn't want to build a home in. I wanted to make the little girl that once held my whole heart proud, so I picked myself up and I began to work. My mindset shifted and my heart started to warm again. By August, I knew that it was truly time to get to work, but I wasn't expecting the road block that would develop due to what I thought was a friendship.

While I was emerged in my own heartbreak and pain, the friend that I once had began to spread rumors, lies, and false accusations to every one at my community college. She began to ruin the name I had for myself, and I soon was faced with another battle in my life. However, God did not let me face this battle alone, no matter how broken our relationship was. He reminded me who I was and I began to believe in myself again. I did not let the giants that I was facing in my life stop me from growing into the person God was calling me to be.

By September, I removed myself from the environment that was once created from the toxic individual that was in my life. The anger that I let pour out of me for months stopped, and the heart that was once shattered was almost rebuilt. The person I once was gone, and the person I was becoming was stronger than I thought possible. My walk in Christ was not perfect, and if I'm being honest, my relationship only had a band aid over it instead of proper healing. I knew that God had given me the strength to get through the tribulations, but I wasn't ready to trust Him with my heart again.

October marked the fourth birthday of the little girl that gained her angel wings. Instead of getting her a present, she actually sent me one through the man I would soon fall in love with. My boyfriend walked into my life when I didn't know if my heart could love again, and instead of shying away, he helped me put the last pieces of my life back together. This young man helped me heal in areas I didn't even know were still broken. I truly believe that my sweet little angel sent the man she knew would always love and care for me since she was no longer walking this life with me.

2017 was the year that broke me. It was the year that began my walk in Christ, but at the time it was not evident. I know God's grace is not mentioned much throughout this post, but at the time I did not directly feel His love and grace. I felt alone, hurt, and scared of the future I didn't even know I wanted. However, He wasn't finished with me, and I will forever be thankful for that.

Next Monday I will proudly share the next chapter of my life, and His love will begin to shine through even more. Thank you so much for seeing a glimpse into my heart, and I hope you stick around for this journey into God's grace!!

Much love!

D.G.

Side Note: This little girl's mother is the true definition of a strong woman. The challenges she faced with raising a special needs daughter is something an outsider couldn't understand. They had to travel anywhere from 40 minutes to 5 hours away to attend doctors appointments that would help better the quality of life her daughter would have. In the first year of the child's life, she spent approximately 5 months in and out of the hospital, and her mother never left her side. The love that she has for her daughter is so pure and beautiful, and I could dedicate a whole blog post talking about the mother.